Why “Fated Mates” Annoy Me
This post is part of the Lucky in Love blog hop. Scroll down to the end for information about prizes available and other participants.
Why “Fated Mates” Annoy Me
You’ve read about them, those couples where a man or woman looks at another and suddenly sees colors, an aura, or gets some sign that this is the one, and it’s meant to be. Two random people see each other, the rockets go off, and they just know that they’re right for each other at some deep, primal level that guarantees happily ever after. Because they’re soulmates or fated mates, so it has to happen.
It seems particularly common in paranormals, where forces beyond normal bring two people together like two separate halves of a whole.
I call BS.
The whole “soulmate” thing has a certain appeal, but for all the wrong reasons. It’s way too easy. There’s no risk in the relationship. You may argue with each other, but because this is your soulmate, you’ll find ways to work it out, and it won’t create any permanent damage. You can do pretty much anything or say anything because you’re meant to be so it won’t be a problem.
I understand why the idea appeals, why it seems so romantic. To find the person who is your perfect partner for the rest of your life is a goal worth striving for. To find someone so completely right and perfect for you is an ideal. But that’s really all it is: a fantasy.
You don’t need to work at finding ways to accommodate each other, to live with each other, to settle the issues that divide you.
It’s lazy storytelling because the author doesn’t have to work at showing a developing relationship. The subtle back and forth of people exploring their interest in each other, learning about each other, trying to decide if there’s more than lust at work, and if they can manage to forge a bond and create a family, gets lost when we already know it’s gong to happen. Because it’s fated. I tend to avoid stories that use that trope because it skirts over what interests me most in the romantic storyline: how two people figure out why they’re drawn to each other and how they can combine themselves into a couple.
So…Does the idea of fated mates or soulmates work for you?
My most recent release, The Wizard’s Shield, features a romance between two people who are clearly meant to be together, but they’re not fated mates in the sense that they know the minute they see each other that no one else will do for them. At the start of the story, they have been separated for a long time by circumstance. When they come together again, they have to work hard, overcoming a lot of painful history, numerous differences, and conflicting goals, to reach their happily ever after.
Blurb for The Wizard’s Shield: A powerful wizard with a physics degree and a checkered past invents a shield to ensure he’ll never again be tortured almost to death. The wizarding powers-that-be fear the repercussions of such a device and send his former girlfriend, an accomplished wizard herself, to retrieve the device or destroy it.
When the shield is stolen by the magical mafia, Ilene McConnell and Michael Morgan have to set aside their differences and work together to recover it. Michael claims he needs the device as insurance against the kind of injury and injustice he suffered once before. Ilene maintains its potential to upset the delicate balance of power makes it too dangerous and that it needs to be destroyed. But none of that will matter if they can’t retrieve it before a ruthless, powerful wizard learns how to use it for his own ends.
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Fated mates works for me, but not in the “love at first sight” kind of way. It is more a case of who you each are makes you the perfect mate for each other. Fate has a hand in bringing you together, but the two still have to make it happen on their own.
librarypat AT comcast DOT net
Hmmm… Good point. There is a difference. I think it is the “love at first sight” stories that bother me. It takes a lot of the tension out of the romance plot because you know the relationship will happen.
Thanks for participating in the hop.
wendy_pogrant@yahoo.com
i do love fated mates or soulmates but for me it’s not synonym of love at first sight or easy work. They still have to learn to know the other one and to work to make the realtionship works, they just know that it can work if they do
And it’s luck to find the right one on teh first try
happy st patrick’s day!
isabelle(dot)frisch(at)gmail(dotcom
Thanks for participating in the blog hop. I think fated couples work well in PNR.
miztik_rose@yahoo.com
Thanks for the hop!
My e-mail is strwberrysuprise@hotmail.com
strwberrysuprise[at]hotmail[dot]com
I can agree that its a pretty normal part of paranormal romances, but I beg to differ with the rest of what you said. Just because they recognize they are “the one” for each other, doesn’t have to make it easy and unchallenging.
My couples go through a lot before they accept the fact they are “meant to be” A lot of the stuff real life couples face, including the entire getting to know each other process. And for the series I’m writing right now, they can only procreate with their truemate.
Also, just because they are “meant to be” doesn’t mean it’ll work out. Can you imagine being bound to someone you can’t stand? What better way to torment each other? XD
“Meant to be” doesn’t always have to be rainbows and unicorns and in my stories, it’s not.
On a side note: I married my soul mate fifteen years ago. We’ve connected so deeply that I never got morning sickness either time. He got it both times. 🙂 It hasn’t been easy, but we are determined to work out any problems we face, together.
Thanks for being part of the hop. 🙂
bidelia78@yahoo.com
I fell in love with my husband the night we meet. He was so incredibly sweet, handsome, and, well just completely wonderful! We have been together since. I love him dearly.
MinDaf @aol.com
Thanks for participating in the hop.
parisfan_ca@yahoo.com
I love the idea of soulmate in romances but it does not really happen in real life.
susanmplatt AT hotmail DOT com
Thanks for participating in the blog hop. I am looking forward to you latest release.
Sblasi9285(at)aol(dot)com
I am a believer in soul mates, so yep it works for me 🙂
Thank you!
jaidahsmommy(at)comcast(dot)net
Yes fated mates works for me!
Thanks for the chance to win!
natasha_donohoo_8 at hotmail dot com
I do believe in soulmates! Thanks for the hop! mikiajanai@yahoo.com
Fated mates are fine in fiction.
bituin76 at hotmail dot com
Thank you for participating in this hop! Happy St. Patrick’s Day!
verusbognar (at) gmail (dot) com
I do believe in soul mates, but I dont believe in love at first sight. I believe it takes some works and kissing some frogs to find that soul mate!
Thanks for the great giveaway and for joining the hop!!!!
Ashley A
ash_app(at)hotmail(dot)com
I didn’t think I would ever meet my soul mate. It took me 41 years to find him. Do I think every one has one. No I don’t. But I also think that soul mate could be a friend. Sex isn’t the only reason for a soul mate. And my hubby was worth the wait and search. Yes, we disagree. Yes we have issues. But I won’t trade for anything the life I have with him.
Thanks for being in the Happy St. Patrick’s Day blog hop.
Happy St. Patrick’s Day, ya’ll!
Keep writing so I can keep reading.
roya-clan@sbcglobal.net
I do believe in soul mates/fated mates but I think mine got hit by a bus 🙂 *grins* Maybe one day I’ll find him.
Happy St. Patricks Day!
swtlilangel4jc at yahoo dot com
I’m not sure I believe in fated… although I can see how it’d totally work in PNR, but not in any other genre.
Thanks for participating in the hop!!
Jen
admin.bookblog AT gmail.com
Unlike you I love the whole fated mate idea. It is one of my fav parts of paranormals.
grapeapril75(AT)gmail(DOT)com
I don’t really agree with the love at first sight thing but I do think two people can make a connection and that it is possible for people to feel like they belong together. Thanks for the great giveaway!
thompsonem3 at aol dot com
Like reading about fated mates. Happy St. Patrick’s Day!
bn100candg(at)hotmail(dot)com
yay lucky lucky
mrsbrinius@comcast.net
I’m not sure if there are really soul mates. I think if you spend time with someone who have the same interests as you have, then you will become friends and maybe more if there is attraction. Even if you’re married, you can still find someone who will become that person to you but married people should not get into that tempting situation. So, no, I don’t believe in soul mates. I believe in 2 people’s promise that they will love and be faithful to each other. 🙂
anne.j2(at)gmail.com
I love Fated mates! I don’t think it gives them immunity from relationship problems, it is just a way to make them HAVE to work out their problems, because they are meant to be together. I think in “real: life if more people worked at solving issues and KNEW they were destined to be together more relationships would last.
sugerlady@aol.com
I dont really know if I believe in that because sometimes you love more than one person in your life. I’ve known lots of people who were widowed and remarried. They loved both of them so which one would be the “soul mate”.
-Amber
goodblinknpark(AT)yahoo(DOT)com
I love to watch the behavior of people. I have seen couples that love each other so much that nothing can seperate them for long. But the fights they can have in incredible. I think soulmates still have to work on a relationship. Even if someone has left your sight does not mean you stop care for them in the same way. I think soulmates is once in many lifetimes. Very rare!
Judy P
strawberryrose@earthlink.net
Thanks for the chance to win. Happy Saint Patty’s Day!
Morganlafey86(at)aol(dot)com
What a great giveaway hop! I have yet to be lucky in love but I’m working on it. My favorite love book is “Outlander” by Diana Gabaldon. Jamie Fraser is amazing and beautiful. I enjoy St. Patty’s Day and this year I’m spending it with my best friend. We’re going to two Irish Pubs and also some dance clubs. I am also wearing green and am not a fan of getting pinched. I’m not Irish either, but many people think I am because my hair is red, my eyes green and my name is Meghan, but I’m not at all. I won’t be telling anybody that, however… let them believe I’m Irish.
Thanks for the giveaway!
mestith at gmail dot com